Breakup Girl
Breakup Girl
GIGS or Grass is Greener Syndrome After a Breakup – How to Deal by John Revilinsky
What is GIGS or Grass is Greener Syndrome After a Breakup?
What happens with GIGS is this: The dumper leaves the relationship to pursue another relationship with another person. Not because they want to be free or enjoy life…etc. This type of relationship usually occurs immediately after the breakup, or starts a couple months before the breakup. The dumper is usually young 20-25yrs old. What happens in this kind of relationship is that the dumper is in a long term relationship with the dumpee for 2 years or longer, and the couple are about to make a larger commitment to each other. The dumper gets “cold feet” as things are getting stale, boring, and predictable. They start to wonder, what else is out there? Is there anything better out there? Is this all I’m going to have for the rest of my life?
If there was someone that the dumper has been talking to for sometime, a “just a friend” type of guy or girl. They start fantasizing a relationship with this person. They start hanging out with this person more to see if there are any potential to have a relationship with this person, while still in a relationship with the dumpee. They usually do this consciously, but tells the dumpee that he/she is “just a friend.”
This is usually when the dumpee starts to get panic, jealous, clingy and needy. The dumpee feels like they are losing their significant other. So, the dumpee begins to freak out and tries to save the relationship. Buying gifts, professing “i love you”, paying more attention to the dumper, all the while the dumper is slowly checking out of the relationship.
The dumper starts seeing the dumpee in a different light because of their recent behavior. Dumper starts losing respect for the dumpee because they have become “nothing” without the dumper.
Then it happens, the dumper dumps the dumpee because they have decided to pursuing a relationship with this “just a friend.” And often times gives the reason, “You have pushed me towards him because of your jealousy, neediness” or other like “I love you, but i’m just not in love with you.”
However, what the dumper doesn’t realize is they believe they are “falling in love” with this so called “just a friend”. However, in actuality they are just bored and tired of the relationship with the dumpee.
They have fallen in love with the infatuation, the “honeymoon stage” of their new relationship. They often overlook any shortcoming of the “just a friend” person, because they’re “so in love.” This is sorta like rebound relationship, but instead of using the rebound guy/girl to get over the dumpee. They consciously start to believe this “just a friend” guy/girl is a trade up from the dumpee.
What the dumper don’t realize is that once that “honeymoon stage” is over, they’re usually left with the same feeling of boredom, tiredness, and the predictable relationship they become sick of with the dumpee, but instead with this new person.
They start to wonder again, start making another “just a friend.” Then the vicious cycle continues. Or.. they jump back to the relationship with the dumpee if they dumpee have always treated them well.
Not trying to generalize, but these type of dumper are immature, and insecure of themselves. They always have to stay in a relationship to feel a sense of worth or belonging. These type of dumper do not understand what a mature relationship really means. In general they are just confused, they don’t know who they are. They use relationships to define themselves and never have any introspection of themselves.
Now, this phase don’t last forever and they often will learn over time. But, this usually happens when something catastrophic happens that will wake them up. And, often times the dumpee have moved on when the dumper finally realize how big of a mistake they have made.
I guess the important thing to remember is that, there ain’t nothing we can do when they suffer from this syndrome. They’ll have to experience life without you, make their own mistakes, and learn from them. It’s almost like a parents telling the kids, “don’t drink, don’t do drugs.” But, this often is the reason people starting doing these things. To experience it themselves, and learn from it.
Same thing with dating… parents may say, “we love your bf/gf.” But, this may be the exact reason they dump us, because most poeple have rebellious nature in them. They do what parents don’t want them to do. This is the case for me as well, her parents loved me, and wanted her to marry me. I guess she just couldn’t live under that pressure, thinking “is this it?” “My life would be spent with this guy for the rest of my life?” Then she start looking around, and seeing what else is out there.
If all of us can step out of our circle and look at things subjectively, then it’ll be easier to understand what’s going on in their mind. And chances are we have a better idea of what they’re thinking than themselves.
I guess the moral of the story is, when someone is suffering from G.I.G.S. we have to realize there’s nothing we can do. We have to let them go, experience life. They may or may not come back, but we shouldn’t put our life on hold hoping that they’ll come back. We move on, if they come back, great.. Because at that point, we have the ultimate decision of if we want them back or not. If not, then at least you once shared something special together. Besides, lot of times when people suffer from G.I.G.S. they will turn into something that’s complete opposite of what you’ve become so accostumed to. You may not want them back.
Important points to remember:
1. Move on, because they already have.
2. Let it go, because they have already let us go.
3. Stop hoping, right now it’s hopeless.
4. They will change and you may or may not like what they change into.
5. Remember the person you fell in love with is no longer there. They have changed, or else they wouldn’t have broken up with you.
6. Accept the fact that what you love is the image you have of them in your mind. Not what they are now.
7. Keep reminding yourself of point 1-6.
About the Author
If you want to change your ex’s mind, here’s what to do:
Radically change your ex’s mind
Breakup Girl
리쌍 LeeSSang – Can’t Breakup Girl, Can’t Breakaway Boy (feat Jung In)
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